President Mugabe has been hearing increasingly hilarious accusations that his liberation-Government uses torture to intimidate rivals. Or extract confessions from people in order to jail all known friends of Mugabe's close personal friend Morgan Tsvangirai.
The truth, silly white folk? Those witnesses and dissidents pulled out THEIR own fingernails. Sad but true.
You see, our secret holiday camps are so blissful and serene that our involuntary guests often confuse it for the Neo-Fascist concept called "Heaven." And, in order to stay in touch with reality, they in fact TORTURE THEMSELVES. It is Zimbabwe's fault for being so accomodating to white people and ingrates, we know they don't deserve it but what do you expect from the greatest humanitarian regime since Mr. Pot's rule of the Cambodia's?
Mugabe treats them with very much kindness at all times.
Torture anyone? What do you think President Mugabe is? English?